just because i've been able to do nothing in so long, a few pictures of the main reasons why i can do so little...

finn, grae, mad & lucie

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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The shop is closed for vacation

Lucie has arrived, so we are on vacation for the time being.

The Trouble with Lucie

I’ve read so many things lately that have made me want to write this. I’ve got a huge list of posts planned and partially written that I want and need to get done and posted, but I keep bumping in with something else. This time it’s about Lucie and it’s taking forever to write. And as has been Miss Lucie, it’s not as easy as I thought it would be.

The first 3, all boys, were fairly easy, no real surprises. Every screening test and ultrasound had excellent results. Couldn’t be better. The only little problems that popped up were relatively little and only with me. They all three had issue on the way out shall we say that made things a bit scary for a short time- Finn had the cord around his neck, Grae flipped himself into breech position and climbed up as high as he could after I had gone into labor, all nearly 9 lbs of him, which made for a tricky day at the hospital before he was flipped back and decided to come out after all and Maddox pretty much popped out on his own in record time while the doctor screamed at me to cooperate and that he didn’t know what was happening- but every moment up to that point never even hinted that we had anything to worry about and all 3 came out as perfect and happy as we expected.

Baby 4 has been different in every way possible so far. I can only imagine what she’ll be like once we get to see her. You would think by the time you’ve been pregnant four times, it just wouldn’t be any big deal. But you’d be wrong, very wrong. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve managed to get pregnant 6 months after having my last baby twice now. And it probably doesn’t help that I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and a 1 year old. And that they are boys and quite insanely dangerous- houses with such boys should have no furniture, only padded walls and floors. And it probably doesn’t help that I’m old and get no sleep, but really none of that matters. Lucie is what she is and she will be what she will be and she’s just bound and determined to be different.

First of all she’s a girl. First girl after 3 boys. I knew she would be, even before I got pregnant, even before I knew for sure that I was pregnant. I knew she would be a girl. even when her daddy wouldn’t even look at girl names and his doctor told him he hoped we weren’t trying for a girl because we had zero chance genetically. Even though I knew it was so very, very unlikely and nobody thought we had a shot at a girl, I knew she would be a girl. I even had a name for her a full week before she was confirmed to be in there, though that name has been dismissed due to various associations, connotations and international baggage that came with it, as have a very long list of other seemingly excellent names, and because, even though I’m not sure this is really as it should be, my opinion is not the only one that matters. Her father and her brothers all also have equal say and we discussed and negotiated until we found the right combination for her. Now she’s Lucie. Lucie L train to her oldest brother, possibly LuLu or Lola to her younger brothers because she has to have a non-train based nickname, but everyone has agreed on Lucie.

I fully expected everything to go about the same as it did with the other 3, they were all pretty much the same throughout, but it didn’t. Not one thing. For the others I was sick, but there were things I could eat and I did eat and gained tons of weight (40 or so lbs and I’m 5’6” tall and fairly small overall, so that’s quite a bit to say the least). But from about 5 days in with Lucie, I was sick like I’ve never been sick before. I even lost weight in the beginning. She’s up much higher than the 3 boys, so much so that none of my clothes fit. And I can see body parts poking out and moving around, which I never saw before, I hurt in places I didn’t know were possible, I had to do the 3 hour glucose test at 35 weeks my ankles are swollen for the first time and my blood pressure is up and so many other things, but what comes next is the biggest difference. What I expected was that all tests would just come and go as easily as they had with all of the others., but did not have perfect results on our screening tests. We received results that surprised and scared me and my then Dr was less than no help. My opinion is that she sucked about as badly as anyone could which just made it all worse. However the first tests were over ridden by a final result that said everything was ok after all and I went into my 20 week ultrasound expecting the same as the 3 previous ones, lovely, perfect, maybe a bit big, but couldn’t be better.

I went in just expecting, at the worst, to find out that I was wrong about her being a girl, but I wasn’t. That was my first moment of panic, first of 3. I knew she was a girl, but as soon as it was confirmed I panicked. What was I going to do with a girl. The very second she was real I also began to doubt that name I had chosen, just like I doubted that I would ever know what to do with a girl. It was all easy when I thought I might just be imagining that she was in there since it was very unlikely that she was. Once she was real, all I could think of was the first and only time I had changed my niece’s diaper and how scary it was. I just did not know what to do with that. I know what to do with boys- diapers, toys, clothes, but a girl was suddenly very scary, but before I could get any more panicky about that, panic 2 popped in. I had placenta previa, which I knew was not good, but not much more. The technician gave me the basics of what I shouldn’t do and said she’d get the Doctor to come in, confirm and explain a bit more until I could talk to my Doctor.

Well, she came in and with her came panic #3. While she was rechecking and confirming the placenta previa, she was also asking lost of questions that had more to do with the baby than with the placenta previa. The baby, she had just noticed, had an umbilical varix which, to the best of her knowledge as a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist, only appeared with severe chromosomal abnormalities, and before we decided on doing an amnio was there any chance that I would not have that baby if the amnio revealed such a problem, because, if so, we could do it right away. However, because all of the screening tests, in the end showed little risk and because she looked so good and was actually a bit large, she really didn’t know what to think and wasn’t sure what to do. It’s hard to know what to think when the specialist tells you she really doesn’t know what’s going on. We scheduled the fist of many follow up ultrasounds and decided to go for a fetal echo to see what was going on there since it was the most likely place for a problem to show up. It took 3 days to get my Doctor to call me back and all she said about the umbilical varix was thanks for letting her know and hung up. Not any help. Everything I looked up was awful or worse than awful. Not any help. I only saw one thing that suggested it might be ok in the end. By the time I went for the echo I knew that it could be very bad, that she could in fact, even if she did make it to delivery, not survive past that for very long. I knew that we might have to have an amnio after all to know what was going on if the Cardiologist saw anything at all that wasn’t normal. I knew that I didn’t really know anything, but that I was terrified for her. So I decided she had to have a name right away and a perfect name with no bad associations or anything negative attached to it, so that she would have a name just in case and so that she would know that we did not want anything at all to happen to her besides being born happy and healthy, like her brothers.

The echo went well enough that I began to feel better. And I focused on getting her a name and began buying her girl clothes all the way up to 24m and all of the things she would need, so that she would know that she was going to stay here with us. Instead of being afraid that she wouldn’t be able to wear or use what I was buying, I decided that we would proceed as if there were no doubt that she would be here and would need all of it. And each of the follow up echos and follow up ultrasounds went well. And after each one I felt better about our chances of her actually being ok. And she got bigger and bigger and despite being reminded at every one that there would really be no way to know for sure until she was out and we were encouraged by everyone involved to switch to a different hospital with a proper NICU, just in case, and we still have to take her to the cardiologist a few weeks after she’s born and her heart is finally set to make sure there is nothing still to come, she looked really great, other than being breech for a very long time and then transverse, and it was decided that the varix was likely to be a fluke. It can’t be explained, but so far it seems to do nothing other than be there.

My last ultrasound at 34 weeks was the last of everything. She’s huger than huge, fat faced, head down and has been cleared for normal delivery, no early delivery, no c-sections, nothing but a check by the neonatologists when she comes out, just to be sure and her visit to the Cardiologist a few weeks later. Now we’re just hoping that she’ll stay in to get past Thanksgiving because I would prefer a non- holiday visit to the hospital and get to 38 or so weeks instead of popping out early. She’s huge, she’s dropped way down and seems to be getting ready plus I’ve been having contractions for a few weeks already. Carrying around a combined total of about 100 lbs of brothers plus standing up with them for about 9-10 hours a day is not really helping with that nor is not getting much sleep, but we’ll see. All three boys arrived at 38.5 weeks, but since she is nothing like them in any way so far, I expect she’ll just do as she pleases.

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Lucie

I finally scanned in an ultrasound image of Lucie at 34 wks. We have none of the very nice 3d or 4d shots we have of everyone else, so this is the best shot of her face that we have. All you can really tell, if you are good at deciphering shadows or have an excellent imagination, is that she does look rather plump. For the other 3 we could actually see their faces, but that's what you get for having ultrasounds in NJ instead of NYC. I started writing a post about everything that's been going on with her so far (umbilical varix etc, etc), but I, being a big looser, just can't sit long enough to get it done, typing on my knees is not so much fun and the laptop is a big target for all 3 boys at the moment, so it's in protective custody, so it will have to wait until she's here.

SALE!!!!- updated details

It's a pre-baby clear out sale and it starts now. I've dropped all prices down to very low pre-baby clear out prices that will stay in effect until after baby Lucie arrives (around Thanksgiving), possibly a bit longer. All prices are now dropped to just above cost and include shipping- first class for the less expensive pieces, priority mail for the more expensive pieces (based on regular price, not sale price).

The difference between the two shops is as follows: Etsy- has all items and you checkout with Paypal, 1000 Markets- has a more limited selection and you check out using your amazon account (anything on Etsy can be added to 1000 Markets if you prefer to checkout through Amazon, just contact me).

Links to both shops above or to the right with a few sample images. Please email me at kiersten@lissendenfrost.com with any questions. I will still be taking custom orders while the sale is on as possible. The shops will probably go on short vacations right around baby time just because I won't be able to check on things as often as I can now. If so, it will be posted here and I will try to post a warning as well.

Thanks very much for visiting!

Stops & starts: in case anyone is looking

This is rather an update for anyone who happens to check by. Right after I started Lissenden Frost I got pregnant and that really slowed down what I was able to do, so I started this site to work on while I could not do LF and once again I’ve been stopped as soon as I started. I actually have enough posts planned and in progress to post 1 x per week minimum for the next 3 months, which was my plan. However, I, being a very lucky pregnant person, now have Symphisis Pubic Dysfunction or SPD, which basically means my pelvis is out of whack. Besides being very painful, it means I have to, among other things, wear a rather uncomfortable support belt contraption, have a very hard time walking and driving, can’t take my boys to the playground, have to wear dresses most of the time, have to sleep with a huge c shaped pillow that makes it even harder to get on & off the bed and most relevant to this, cannot sit in a chair at the computer or in any other place where I might be able to use the laptop for long enough to get anything done. Yes, I am standing right now and even that’s hard to work out- a way that I can stand here long enough to type.

It’s annoying and boring and totally, absolutely sucks. Hopefully, it will go away soon after the baby arrives and we’re still trying to find ways to make it possible for me to do what I want to do and need to do for that matter. I’m told I’m lucky that the baby is still breech. Apparently, her head will make all of this much worse than just her incessant little feet kicking right where it hurts most. Though, since as I said, I am a very lucky pregnant person, I need her to turn as late as possible, but to turn or else I get a c-section, which I’m also told will make this happy condition last longer. So nice. And since I’ve already had a rather dramatic in-labor external version just 2 years ago with #2, another version, I’m also told, is not an option for me. That leaves acupuncture and moxibustion or flipping on her own and staying put until she pops out and before that c-section happens. Sounds promising.

As soon as I can figure out how to get it all done and posted a few of the upcoming posts are: something I’ve been writing about baby 4, Lucie, and her umbilical varix, a 4 part piece on breastfeeding, pieces on having lots of babies, bravery, babyquests and time being wasted on the wrong people.

The pre-baby sale at LF is on. The prices are super low, just above cost, to clear out as much as possible pre-baby arrival, details & links to the etsy and 1000 markets shops at LissendenFrost.com.

I know it all sounds so exciting, I’m sure you just can’t wait.

BABY: Immunizations

or yes, I may just be a bad mommy after all (though Finn generally says I’m not)

So Maddox had his 12 mo check up last Wednesday and he has had an awful reaction to his shots. Awful, miserable and far worse than I expected. And I feel like an awful mommy because I knew in the recesses of my brain that I should have done his shots differently. His 2 older brothers were (are) huge- giants that never even noticed that they were getting shots. They never really had and reaction other than being a bit tired the next day and sometimes not even that. We then lived in walking distance to the pediatrician and I took them to every appointment, so I always knew which shots they were getting, what to expect and was ready to breastfeed away any screaming and pain, though there really never was much, if any fuss. Big, fat, mega chubby legs apparently mean the shot doesn’t hurt as much and the reaction is much less likely.

Maddox is super skinny. I knew that Finn and Grae were huge, but when I look at pictures now, I can’t believe how huge. They look like they were pumped up with an air pump. People always remarked on how fat their chunky calves were and how they must be breastfed babies because they were so big. I also had several people think I was their nanny or ask where I adopted them from. They are huge. I’m not, though we all three have the same big, fat head. Maddox, normal head, skinny body, easy to carry has been a big change and I just don’t always think of things that I should after having 2 big hulking boys ahead of him. Plus I’m apparently always pregnant and exhausted, so have significant loss of mental faculties (I’m now very stupid and forgetful). Plus I no longer take them to their appointments, their daddy does. So I don’t keep track of what’s when. And unlike Finn who nursed until 22 mo, Maddox quit at 11 mo (mommy pregnant, complete placenta previa, nursing not as interesting as big brothers and playing) and went to his appointment with a bottle of formula (another of my mommy failings, but he loves it, so what can you do) in case he needed comfort that mommy wouldn’t be there to provide (as I said he loves it, so it would mean more to him than me at that moment and apparently it did the job at the moment).

But when he got home he threw himself at me and has been glued to me or his daddy for a full week, night and day. His mood has been awful, way beyond his usual crotchety old man grumpiness. The terror at the speed of a bullet has been carried pretty much everywhere for a full week and has spent his nights in the rocker with daddy or on me in bed tossing and turning and getting pissed off when I’m cutting into his space (hard not to do when you’re 27 weeks pregnant). And he’s had fevers, really bad for the first few days, and now is covered head to toe in a rash. And he cries. My usually happy little boy, who does have quite a temper and can be a bit grumpy, is crying, real, big tears much of the day and night. He had the MMR and the Chickenpox and Hep A, (luckily they ran out of the flu shots). All at once, in doses that are big enough for his brothers though he’s about half their size. And I knew this was not ok. And I meant to do something about it. I had just read the Jenny McCarthy article in Cookie, I had all of that in my mind, but I was thinking about the fact Grae at 27 mo is not talking very much while Finn was having full conversations way before he was 2 and I was thinking about baby 4 and her situation and needing to change doctors at 27 weeks so we can have a hospital with a NICU, just in case, and I was thinking it was coming up, but later in a few months when I could think about it or I wasn’t thinking, I guess, mostly about Maddox.

We do shots. I never really thought about not doing them, other than skipping flu shots when we can. I glanced at things about splitting up and delayed schedules, but because the shots had so little visible impact on the first 2, I didn’t really think about it. Until I read the article in Cookie. But I was more thinking about Grae when I really should have been thinking about Maddox, who was about to get the worst possible shot combination for his little body. So I’m now working on what to do from this point forward, what we need to do for him (and for his sister depending on how big she pops out)- delay until his body is a bit bigger, closer in weight that his brothers were at for each shot, spread things out a bit more.

I did actually read about immunizations - both for and against- before Finn had his first shots and I did decide to go ahead, but I do now believe that it shouldn’t be a question of all or nothing, but adaptability to each child. We have, possibly slowly realized, that Maddox is very different from his brothers in ways that we just didn’t think of. He is a very different baby, more different from his brothers than they are to each other. He actually wears the size for his age or smaller, unlike his brothers who are often 2-3 sizes ahead. He is a to some extent a formula and bottle baby while his brothers never had formula and Grae never even had a bottle. We had to put him in pampers while he was learning to sit up because he’s so long and skinny that he just couldn’t get past the cloth diapers. He’s back in them now because every other combination of every other sort of diaper we have tried, cloth and disposable, gives him a horrid rash all of the sudden. We obviously know that he gets a different does of tylenol than his brother do now and an even smaller does than they did when they were 1. I just wish I had been quicker to put it together that maybe he also needed something different for his shots too. The schedule is a guideline, not an absolute rule, and the doses are set to cover most children, not necessarily all children. I am not a doctor and I have tons more research to do before I know what I will do, but it seems logical to me that different children may need an adjusted approach, like our super skinny, very sensitive child, to many things including their shots. So my opinion is now, talk to your doctor and if you have concerns that your doctor can’t address, find another doctor. Read what you can find (Dr Sears has an alternative schedule and a book on vaccines, his site has lots of information http://www.askdrsears.com/thevaccinebook/index.asp) , talk to people, think about what else you see in your child that might indicate a need for a change and then decide what to do.